Super Bowl Snacks

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For those of you who have not yet visited the new Food Lion store in Wake Forest, which, depending on the hoard of shoppers we had to fight our way through today there can not be many, I wanted to give you a quick rundown on a few of the things you can expect at this new modern site.

One of the first things I found unique was how all the sidewalks funnel you down into the sides of the building, you know, so that you can input the vestibule through the doors that are perpendicular to the front of the building (for those of you from Iron-Duff that’s a fancy way of saying that there is a porch that sticks out from the front of the home and instead of having steps that go right up the centre the measures is over on each side). Strange thing was, when we got to the side of the vestibule, there won’t no doors there. So what you have to do next is, step back out into the street, avoid getting hit, and then walk back to the front of the vestibule where the doors are (porch for those of you from Iron-Duff). I have to say, with an abysmal over front area (covered porch for those of you from Iron-Duff) could have been really handy during today’s monsoon.

Now if you’re thinking that all this work simply to get inside may not be worth it, fear not, once inside you will find all the groceries you came for, and of course the opportunity to stroll through the walk-in produce cooler. This room is properly humidified and adequately cooled so as to maintain the freshest vegetables in the city. Upon exiting the produce cave you will end up drifting through their new state of the art Deli. Folks, they’ve got subs, pizzas, pastas, sandwiches, sushi, as well as whole fried chickens. You can imagine my excitement seeing all the delis offerings, especially after having to spend all that time in the create cave. Hey Food Lion, how bout the next time ya’ll get together to look a shop and some young hipster walks in the area and says you will need a create cooler over there where the beer cave used to be, ya’ll do a small grownup’n and put him back on night shift stocking shelves. Trust me, a month or two of night shift coupled with the disruption of his delicate circadian rhythm and he’ll forget all about his organic vegan ways, but I digress.

So back to the deli, where now is Super Bowl Sunday and I’m going to buy myself a couple dozen Wing Dings. I’m thinking maybe I’ll get a dozen regular Wing Dings and a Dozen Spicy Wing Dings, right? So I am looking all up and down the sexy shelf and I don’t see any, so I asked this nice young fellow from the deli area where I might locate the Wing Dings. I assumed he worked in the deli because he was wearing a blue, fresh from the bag, Food Lion polo with a shiny new badge. The badge even had his name on it, or at least I think it was his name, it is hard to tell if they use them old-school Dymo labelers. I say all of this to help explain what happened next, because what I heard was a statement that I presumed was simply coming out of the mouth of a new kid, one that doesn’t understand the retail business yet, or maybe he just isn’t up to speed on all things Food Lion however, cause what he says was,”we don’t make Wing Dings anymore”!! At that very moment I gave that young man my full attention, looked him right in the eyes, and demanded that he clarify his statement! Before the poor kid could get out three good b’s of a”b-b-b-but” stutter, another fellow decided he may need to intervene. Additionally wearing one of them new blue polo shirts with accompanying Dymo embossed name tag, though his denoted him as the”Deli Manager”, he proceeded to confirm the young lads previously mentioned gut wrenching news by saying,”yep, that’s right, we ai not gonna make those Wing Dings anymore. We got this brand new hot bar over here where you can get em any way you want em”, as he points toward a rolling buffet that is just the right height to allow children to play. After a glance around the bar, I realized what he meant by”any way you want em” is that you can have em any way you want em as long as the direction you want em is overheated to the point that the meat’s drawn up on the bone and then dip em in a sticky sweet BBQ or Orange Sauce. Folks, that ain’t the way I need em!

If you’re wondering what I did next, I’ll let you know. I did the only thing a self-respecting man can do, I caught one of these to-go boxes and proceeded to pick out a dozen of those overheated drawn up on the bone diabeetus sauce coated fake chicken wings. I didn’t do this because I wanted to mind you, but rather because Beth had snatched me by the arm and told me to stop my whining, leave the poor deli child alone, do or don’t get some of them dang chicken wings way she don’t care, and come on so we can finish shopping. With my wings in the buggy, I finished my pouting while pushing our cart throughout the land of lost promises, all the while taking care not to bump into the little old ladies blocking the aisles while they waited to hear from the store manager as to whether or not the grand opening sale price for tuna fish could nevertheless be honored next week.

Now for those who are concerned about me and worry as to how I could possibly survive without Wing Dings, please rest easy, for I will finally find a gas station deli that fixes their wings just how I like em. I would like to ask however, that if you have a spare moment, you may want to say a prayer for the poor cashier that checked us out, I’m sure she would appreciate it. Turns out that I wasn’t the only one that was disappointed in our shopping experience and wondering what the world was coming to. Now while Beth may not share my affinity for Wing Dings, she did appear to have a few pet peeves in regards to bagging her groceries, together with a couple of choice words for the poor cashier that did the baggin. She seemed genuinely surprised that the cashier had put our toothpaste in the same bag with all our cleaning supplies, which included a bottle of liquid bleach. I guess it takes a lot more than bagging toothpaste and bleach together to shock me today, especially when the bagger is from the same generation that is eating Tide Pods. I can see the new ad campaign today;

“Are you looking for a mouthwash that delivers Whiter Teeth and a Brighter Smile, give Clorox an attempt.

Beth also took issue with how the cashier bagged our raw sausage and fresh mixed greens together. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that the young lady didn’t provide us with any food safety precautions, I mean, at least she did have the decency to place the two things in one of these there”blue bags” in order we would know that what was inside would need to be refrigerated once we got home. Let’s face it, at some point the consumer must take some modicum (limited amount for those of you from Iron-Duff) of responsibility for their own food safety. We’ve all heard those stories about families becoming sick from their own cooking, and how it could have easily been averted had they have just followed some sound sanitation and hygiene practices when working in the kitchen. Lets take my sausage and mixed greens dilemma for example. By me merely selecting the appropriate utensils, this young cashiers bagging faux pas poses no health risk to me or my family whatsoever. I simply start my preparation by catching a cast iron skillet out from beneath the stove. Next, I turn one of the huge stove eyes to medium-high (6-7). To avoid any sticking, I suggest that you permit the skillet to warm for 2-3 minutes, just long enough so that you can feel the heat coming up from the skillet when you wave your hand over it but not so long that it will burn your fingers when you touch it. The browning of the exterior of the sausage is the most important step, as it helps to ensure that the pan was hot enough to burn off any germs which the sausage may have picked up from touching them nasty greens.

If you have a chance to go visit the new Food Lion, then I recommend you wait a few days.

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